Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Evolution of a Want

When I was younger all I wanted was a 10 speed bike.

When I was a teen all I wanted were name brand jeans.

When I got a little older all I wanted were designer handbags.

When I was pregnant all I wanted were nice things for my baby.

Now...all I want is central vac... things change :)

Sunday, February 26, 2012


One year has passed since we crossed the Blue Ridge Mountains. Since we said goodbye to home. Since we began this adventure. One year ago we were scared, nervous, and doubtful. One year ago I felt isolated, abandoned, ready to turn and run.
During the firsts weeks of our move my husband had gone to a business dinner. Since we knew no one to babysit I stayed home to put our son to bed. With moving boxes still unpacked in the corner of our bedroom I curled up on our bed. Feeling the kicks of our youngest son inside me made me think about all the things he would miss out on not being born closer to our families. I wrapped myself in disappointments. Later that night my husband came home to a tangled, emotional, tear streaked wife. We held each other as we cried our doubts out. We prayed, we let go, we decided to stop looking backwards. We went to bed and we woke up. And then we did it again, and again, and again. Then before we knew it 365 mornings had come and gone.
Now life has anticipation, familiarity, peace, and contentment. We now know the comfort of friends, favorite restaurants, looked forward to events, and the closest Starbucks. We know the shortcuts and the back roads. We have a church, we have fun, we have hope.
We will never stop longing for home, but we have stopped looking backwards. We will always hope for our heart's desire, but we will find joy and contentment now.
365 days has bought us road trips, baseball games, zoo memberships, picnics, birthdays, and blessings. This year gave us Jefferson, incredible friends, and memories to cherish.
As awful as it started, as hard as some of the days in it became, it ended better than I could have pictured that night curled up on our bed.
365 days brought healing, brought smiles, brought hope. 365 days grew us, blessed us, and bettered us.
Here's to the next 365...bring it on.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012


The dark gray clouds hung low over the highway. The cars moved Westbound in no particular hurry as the rain began. It was fitting to have rain fall today. The dreariness only matched the mood. As the traffic covered the miles moving them further West fog moved in to further cloud all traces of smiles. The car was packed with luggage, ill fitting boxes, and overstuffed bags. It was bursting with memories of the recent past, matchbox cars, and sand from beach trodding bare feet. They were all looking back as they headed forward willing themselves to continue. No one wanted to go, no one had a choice. There were still things waiting for them when they got back. No doubt there would be several loads of laundry, a Monday morning project deadline and unpaid bills. They had responsibilities to meet so they wouldn't act on their impulse to turn around.
They talked of dreams for the future as the rain pelted the windshield. They talked of ideas, which turned to plans, which turned to hope. They passed the state border as they plunged further West and felt tears sting their hearts. All they wanted was to go home yet they had to finish what they started.
Only God could orchestrate a change and so they prayed.
Then they praised.
Then they smiled.
The sun teased at the back of the clouds. Welcoming beams penetrated the dark cover welcoming their hope. They would continue the Westward story, but the rain would end and soon be over. They would return, they would be swept back home and the miles would disappear behind them as a memory of God's faithfulness.
And so the beam of light escaping the darkened sky grew,
and along with it,
their hope.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Happily Never After

Happily ever afters are more rare than a cold day in June. It seems tears and anger slice through wedding bands and tear off bliss faster than they could see it coming. "I want" replaces "I do", and the story ends long before the book runs out of pages.
We have a war waging on the home fronts we don't see coming. It arrives in a small lie and leaves carnage in its wake. Wedding rings are thrown out along with the disappointment and devastation of love lost.
What did you think "I do" meant?
What did you believe "I do" was?
When he works late nights...I do
When dinner gets cold...I do
When bills are due...I do
When the water gets cut off...I do
When the car battery dies...I do
When the baby is up all night...I do
When he is grouchy...I do
When he seems distant...I do
When he falls asleep during the movie...I do
When he forgets...I do
When you get lost on a road trip...I do
When you are late...I do
When you are so mad your head spins...I do
When he isn't the man in your romance novel...I do
When you don't want to...I do
The only way you won't end up as half of a broken heart is to cling to the truth of the vows made before God. The God who created marriage, reflects marriage, and ordained marriage.
Hold fast to God, hold the hand who took yours at the alter, and hold to the promise and blessings of living happily ever after.